"Love Is Like Stepping On Broken Glass"

What is love? Love is the soft touches, the gentle caresses, it is the Hallmark card quotes, it is baby's breath, it is the whisp of a ray of sun as it crosses the cheek of the one you love...fleeting. But love is also something that we do not sometimes want to acknowledge, isn't it. Like stepping on a piece of broken glass. Yes, it hurts, but its a momentary hurt, and besides, the pain will pass quickly...as long as we work it out of our system...if we want to...
I have been incredibly lucky to have had a wonderful marriage, but for various reasons we are on seperate journeys. Its all good. She is moving on, I am moving on. I didn't leave for anyone...but myself...I rather enjoy my life as a single man. I see whomever I please, whenever I please. There are no constraints, no rules, no constrictions, no jealousies to deal with. I really enjoy my life, as it is...it is absolutely perfect, as far as I am concerned. I have a matrix of very close friends, some more than just friends, some more than just physical. But the closest is that of someone who is a true friend...someone I admire and trust and relish the friendship that has developed. How's that song by Carly Simon go? ..."That's The Way I Heard It Should Be"...

But what happens in this absolutely perfect little scenario?? That old bugaboo...love, caring, affection, concern...they all show up, like clowns in an old VW Beetle, arms and legs sticking out, making a mess of things. Not really a 'mess', care and concern and affection can be dealt with. It's that one in the funny shoes and the honking nose...yeah that one...love...Thats the one that can mess up things big time...can't it???

Now there are those out there that get this wispy...breathy ..."Oh My" when you mention love. You know...true love, an epic romance, classic Shakespeare kinda stuff. Christopher Marlowe said it so well..."Come with me and be my love, and we will all life's pleasure's prove,"...pretty heady stuff. But you see, its the heady stuff, its the little pieces of broken glass that we step on in the journey we face. Love woos you like a lamb...headed for the slaughter. It steals your heart with promises that seem too good to be true...and then...wham...you know it was too good to be true.
But I was different...Yessiree..I just got out of a 31 year relationship, I was happy, didn't want to ever get married again...life is good, I'm having fun...have some really neat, nice, caring, compassionate friends...and then...luv steps in... Another quote from that famous raconteur of love...John Donne said it best..."I am two fools, I know. For loving and saying so."

Well, I am a fool, but usually a tight lipped fool. I can keep things to myself pretty well. You don't get to be at my place in life without having a filter betwixt heart and mouth...But something has transpired as of late...and I suspect that I may have said something...but not entirely without the impetus to make a statement. It was time. Not the time I wanted to say it...but what do you do when you are forced to make a decision? Well, time spent at sea, on the battlefield...you make those quick decisions...and you just go with it...and hope that the fallout isn't the kind that sticks to you like napalm and burns your skin off.

I acknowledged something..and I am glad I did, because I am not the kind of person who can lie. You want to know the answer to a question? Ask away...I will always tell you the truth. Now you might not like the truth that you receive, and I will always try to be socially tactful...but if you ask...I will answer...so it was said...it was acknowledged...and I am afraid that the recipient was taken a bit aback by the answer. Like my friend...the partially transgenered ex-green beret...after a drink or two, she says..."we could be good together...you and me"...and she really means it. And to some folks...it would be the best of both worlds...but what do I say?..."No, not really...we would never work out"...and then you go on to list why it would not be good. She is always greatful that I am upfront, and tell her what is in my heart, because usually after the sun comes up...and marches its way past the noon hour...she is not an early riser...as I am...she says..."you always tell it like it is...don't you"...thanks..". It saves a lot of hurt feelings and mixed up emotions. But I hope that my last answer to a possibly uninteneded request for an answer won't change the relationship that I have with this person. It was always there. The fact that it was there, and there is no illusions...means that it's going to be there for a very long time. There are so many reasons why things would never work out...and that is fine...but you cannot squelch the human heart. as you might try...you fall for those whom the heart reaches out to. It doesn't need a tacit reciprocation. It keeps on pumping on its own accord...and you live with those little pockets of love...unrequited or not...hidden in the recesses of the heart.

We, as a race, as humans...are driven by love, we are driven to love...and sometimes we are even driven from love. Without love there wouldn't be a whole helluva lot to sing about, and even music seems to be torn when it comes to love. Some sing of love as the reason to live, like in 'Everlong' by the Foo Fighters and James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"..and then there's the opposite end of the spectrum..Tina Turners "What's Love Got To Do With It?".

There can be no more dangerous place to be, than in love. I prefer the realm of friendship...it makes life a lot easier.

To those who know of what I am speaking?...I was your friend...I'll always be your friend...but you have to know that there is love in my heart for you...and not just you...but all of my friends...thats the way I am...and "That's The Way I Heard It Should Be."
Namaste'